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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/24378112">I'm Trying Hard (It's Not Enough)</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Why_do_you_want_to_know/pseuds/Why_do_you_want_to_know'>Why_do_you_want_to_know</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Summer's Banned Together Bingo [1]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Supernatural</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alternate Universe- No Supernatural, And this one unnamed non-binary character, And yet, At the same time, But He Thinks It Is, But Not Much, But he isn't straight, But it gets batter, Cas is an unspecified sexuality, Cas is so done, Castiel Loves Dean Winchester, Dean Winchester Loves Castiel, Dean Winchester is Loved, Dean and Benny are fuckbuddies, Fluff, He's Not A Slut BECAUSE He's Pan. He's Just A Slut AND He's Pan., I'm not kidding, Implied Sexual Content, Jealous Castiel (Supernatural), Lots of it, Love Confessions, Multi, No Sex, No Smut, Not Actually Unrequited Love, Pansexual Dean Winchester, Roommates, Sad Castiel (Supernatural), Slut Dean Winchester, So are Dean and Lisa, The Author Regrets Everything, The Author Regrets Nothing, a smidge of angst, but no actual sex, but we love him anyway, despite the sluttyness, let's do this, never even says it, no beta we die like men, no sex at all, oooh boy, these tags are getting out of hand, well....</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-05-25</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-05-25</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-04 01:19:54</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>4,167</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/24378112</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Why_do_you_want_to_know/pseuds/Why_do_you_want_to_know</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>I wrote this for the Banned Together Bingo, for my prompt Pansexual acts.</p><p>*~*</p><p>Silence filled Castiel's room, blessed silence after the torturous half an hour of hiding under his pillow and wishing the walls were thicker. He peeked his head out, too distrustful to properly leave his bed - and then his room - until he was certain the danger had passed. Dean was great, Cas loved sharing an apartment with him and getting to see him all the time, but times like this he wished he could just punch the guy in the face. </p><p>OR</p><p>Dean is a bit of a slut, Cas has to share an apartment with him. Oh, and Cas might also love the guy. He's having great fun.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Benny Lafitte &amp; Dean Winchester, Castiel &amp; Dean Winchester, Castiel/Dean Winchester, Lisa Braeden &amp; Dean Winchester</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Summer's Banned Together Bingo [1]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/1768180</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>7</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>102</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Collections:</b></td><td>Banned Together Bingo 2020</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>I'm Trying Hard (It's Not Enough)</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Hey!!! Thank you so much for clicking on my story!! It means a lot to me!!<br/>I wrote this entire thing today because it was Pansexual Visibility day so I just had to post a pansexual work!!<br/>And yes... All you pans out there.... I see you!! You aren't invisible today!!Don't go robbing any banks!!</p><p>Anyway!! You're here for the story!! I'll let you go and read it!!</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Silence filled Castiel's room, blessed silence after the torturous half an hour of hiding under his pillow and wishing the walls were thicker. He peeked his head out, too distrustful to properly leave his bed - and then his room - until he was certain the danger had passed. Dean was great, Cas loved sharing an apartment with him and getting to see him all the time, but times like this he wished he could just punch the guy in the face. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Cas probably wouldn't mind so much if it was just now and again, but Dean had people in and out of the apartment at least once, sometimes twice, a week. Every. Single. Week. Guys, girls, everything in between, if they were hot, they could probably be found in Dean's room. Cas couldn't blame them, Dean was perfect and if Cas wasn't his best friend, he would probably be one of them, willing to settle with being one of the many of he was just able to be close to Dean for a bit. Lucky for him, he was Dean's best friend and roommate, so he never had the opportunity. Lucky for them, Dean was actually a pretty decent guy and was very careful to make sure everyone knew exactly what it was, so no one got their hopes up and heart broken. Obviously, this thoughtfulness just made everyone fall harder, and faster, for him. But hey! The guy tried.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Cas hated the entire mess, he was just one of the many people who had been trapped in Dean Winchesters web, enticed in by his bright smile and friendly demeanour. Unlike the rest of them though, Cas was well and truly stuck. It had been three years - two of which they'd shared an apartment for - and Cas still hadn't got over Dean. By this point, he didn't think he ever would.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The worst thing? He didn't want to.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He liked liking Dean, even if that was all he could ever have, even if Dean did have a new conquest every week, even if Dean would never like him in the same way back. Liking Dean was basically part of his personality now, he didn't really want to know what he would be like without that part of him.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>A high pitched giggle came from the front room and Cas crossed his fingers that it was a goodbye giggle and not a 'how about round two' giggle. Cas had homework to do, food to cook, a room to leave. He did not want to be trapped in his room just because his roommate decided he couldn't keep it in his pants for ten minutes.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The front door opened, the loud creek it always made acting as both an 'all clear' alarm in this situation, and a 'drop everything and run' alarm at times when Cas knew Dean either had a conquest round, or he knew Dean had gone out to a bar. Once or twice it had been a false alarm, Dean was alone and just confused when Cas bolted to his room, but nine point nine times out of ten, it was the real deal and Cas needed to get out if there before he was scarred, or someone tried to rope him into joining them.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Cas could still hear talking, clearly the person hadn't left quite yet, but Cas knew how his friend worked, and knew he was probably safe to come out now. If not and Dean or his 'friend' did decide to start something now, even with the door open, Cas would just high tail it out the room and probably ignore Dean for the next day to get back at him. He hadn't problem with his friend picking whoever he wanted up, but he'd rather not get a front row seat.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Just as he had expected, Dean was standing talking to someone in the doorway. Dean's frame was blocking Cas' view of them, but based on Dean's body language it was one of his regular ones, the ones who Dean broke his one time only rule for. As far as Cas was aware, Dean only broke that self imposed rule for three different people, but that could have changed since Cas had last been told, it wasn't like he payed that much interest to his roommates sex life.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Hello Castiel," the person said, obviously hearing his footsteps and recognising him. Cas grimaced, hiding it behind a smile as he walked over. He recognised that voice.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Hello Lisa," he said, giving her a small wave before turning his attention completely to Dean, unabashedly blocking Lisa out of the conversation, "Hello Dean, have you eaten or should I cook?"</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"I haven't eaten, that would be great," Dean said brightly, unbothered by Cas' blanking of Lisa. He did it with all of Dean's conquests, neither Dean not Lisa were surprised by it anymore. In face, just getting a greeting was pretty uncommon for Cas, and really showcased how used to Lisa being around he was. He didn't like it, but he didn't really have anything against Lisa either. She was polite and made it very clear she wasn't looking for anything more than a roll in the hay every now and again with Dean. She wasn't trying to date him or anything, and if he ever did date someone, she would quite happily back off - as shown during the few times Dean had tried dating, she came round a couple of times, but never tried anything with Dean while he was with someone else. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>For that reason, she was definitely better than some of the other people Dean brought home, so Cas could deal. For as long as she stayed like she was, he would only be borderline rude, instead of full on rude.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Cas walked through to the kitchen, leaving Dean to say goodbye to Lisa while he went to prepare food. He heard Lisa call goodbye to him before the door creaked closed, leaving Dean and Cas alone once again. Cas breathed a sigh of relief, feeling like the entire apartment had just doubled in size now that Lisa was gone and he had Dean all to himself again. He no longer needed to worry about overhearing something, or walking into something, he could go and talk to his friend with no one else listening in.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It was perfect.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He pulled the ingredients for a stir-fry out, putting it all on the side and getting to work chopping onions. He only had to wait another fifteen minutes - during which Dean was probably cleaning up his room - before Dean walked in. He glanced at all the ingredients, nodded once, and got to work chopping some bell peppers.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>They didn't speak for a while, both of them working in companionable silence, the only words exchanged were questions about the cooking, normally Dean asking Cas if he should cook this or put this in yet or boil the water now. It was how it always was with them, how it worked. They didn't need pointless conversation to be comfortable together, they just were comfortable in each other's presence. Dean had grown up moving around a lot, so unlike Cas who had spent his entire life cooking, Dean hadn't even been able to chop vegetables until Cas taught him. Even now, when Dean could easily cook on his own - and had definitely surpassed Cas with baking - he still turned to Cas to ask what to do when they were cooking together.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“How’s your day been?” Dean asked as they plated up their food. It was breaking the silence, but it didn’t feel like breaking it. It just felt like Dean’s words melded with the silence, mixing and integrating in a way which wasn’t jarring in the slightest.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Cas smiled, walking to the table to eat, so that he could study at the table. Both he and Dean were in their final year of university, Dean for mechanical engineering and Cas for medicine. “It was okay thank you, Mr Crowley told us we are going to have a test tomorrow on chapter three, so now I just need to binge read. How about you?” He purposefully missed out the part of his day where he hid in his bed and wished he was deaf, it was an unspoken agreement between them that they didn’t talk about that.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>They just didn’t. If they did, Cas might say something he never planned to vocalise.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, it was great,” Dean said with a smile which glowed and made Cas wish he’d put it there, instead of it being put there by Lisa plus a bed, minus their clothes. “I have a couple of assignments I still need to do, but no sudden tests for me.”</span>
  <span></span><br/>
<span><br/>
</span>
  <span>Cas and Dean shared a happy smile and a couple of moments of staring, and then everything was back to normal. Just like that Cas had forgotten about Dean’s many conquests, it was just Cas and Dean and everything was as it should be. It was like nothing ever happened and Dean didn’t force Cas to hide away in his room because he decided to bring Lisa back to their place. They are back to talking and laughing and for a moment, Cas could pretend Dean liked him in the same way he liked Dean. He could pretend they weren’t just roommates or just best friends, but they were </span>
  <em>
    <span>more</span>
  </em>
  <span>. Cas had always wished for </span>
  <em>
    <span>more </span>
  </em>
  <span>with Dean, ever since he first laid eyes on the other guy at the universities GSA club. Even if he had also always known it would never happen.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>But even if it wouldn’t, this was still Dean. Still his best friend. Still the best person he knew. And Dean was still sitting next to him eating stir-fry they had cooked together.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Cas went to sleep that night with a smile on his face and warmth in his heart.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The next couple of weeks passed quickly. Cas had a lot of revising to do, so he was often in the library or holed away in his room with his nose stuck in a book, but from when he was at home and out of his room, he wasn’t aware of Dean having anyone round. Either Dean was just as swamped as Cas was, or he was nice enough to not invite people over and be loud while Cas was studying, but either way their apartment was blessedly quiet. Dean seemed to be in and cooking whenever Cas took his studying to the living room, so for the entire time he was too stressed to cook, he had Dean-cooked meals waiting for him.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It was amazing. It was domestic. It was perfect.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It wasn’t going to last.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>No matter how much Cas loved having Dean all to himself, he knew that as soon as all this was over, Dean would go straight back to the bars, looking for someone hot to take to bed. Cas couldn’t exactly hold it against him, Dean had no reason to stop picking people while Cas was busy, and it wasn’t like Cas had any claim over Dean, so it made sense he would go back to normal once Cas was back to normal.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>That didn’t make it any less upsetting to think about.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>If you asked Cas what he hated most in the world, he would probably answer his family, but that would be just because he couldn’t say the real answer out loud. The real thing he hated most in the world, was knowing how many people had spent the night with Dean, when Dean had never even glanced at him twice. It was stupid, but it was true. Cas hated it.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Castiel was right. A mere two days after everything went back to normal, the silence in their apartment was shattered by the creaking of the door. Cas hadn't moved at first, he'd been sitting reading his book, the last few weeks of peace lulling him into a false sense of security, so he hadn't even looked up when the door opened, assuming it was just Dean back home.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It had been Dean.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Dean and another person sucking each other's faces off in the doorway.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The second Cas' brain understood what the weird sucking noises were, he was off. He jumped over the back of the sofa and sprinted down the hall, safely locking himself into his room only three seconds after he realised. That might have been a record for Cas, he didn't know, he was too busy feeling his heart break. He'd never seen the person in the doorway before, it was just one more person who got to enjoy what Cas never would.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He dove under the covers, grabbing his earphones and turning the music up, before pulling the duvet up around his ears to try and block out as much sound as he could. He was thankful that he had remembered to not drop his book in his panic to escape, because at least now he had something to read while he tried to pretend the rest of the apartment didn’t exist. It was kind of stupid that he had to do this, pretend the place he lived didn’t exist just because his roommate decided to bring people home, but he didn’t mind as much as he probably should. He really liked Dean, and that was all of him, not just the parts which worked out for Cas. He liked his smile and his sense of humour, but he also liked his sluttyness and his inability to commit to anything for longer than a week.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Cas should really just be glad that he was still friends with Dean after three years. With Dean’s track record, no one really expected Dean to be as loyal as he is to his friends, family and things he cared about. Despite Dean’s possible player status - did it count as playing when everyone involved knew it wasn’t going to last more than a night? Cas didn’t think so, but he wasn’t one of the cheerleaders who were sure they would finally get Dean to settle down and then got mad when they failed - Dean was the most loyal man Cas knew. He would lay down his life for anyone he cared about in a heartbeat, without even realising what an amazing thing he was doing for that person. In his mind, his life wasn't worth as much as everyone else's, even if everyone else disagreed.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>And disagree they did.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Cas knew the truth, and that was the simple fact that one Dean was worth at least twenty Castiels.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Even with his earphones, and the duvet around his head, Cas could still feel the vibrations coming through the wall, he could still hear the loudest of the noises. It was times like these when Cas really cursed the fact that his bed was against the wall he shared with Dean's room. Maybe if he was in a different room it would be better, but Dean and his conquests had a habit f migrating throughout the house and Cas only had to be caught in the sitting room when they decided the sofa was as good a surface as any once, before he made sure never to leave his room too early ever again.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It was another immeasurable amount of time before Cas heard the house quiet, and then another couple of moments before he heard the door creak. He slipped his bookmark into his book and then left his room, seeing the person walk out the room and the door close behind them. Whoever they were, they were clearly never going to turn up again.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Hello Dean," he said, more to announce his presence than because he felt Dean needed a greeting. Dean knew he was home, he knew that Cas always emerged after he sent his conquest on their way.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Heya Cas," Dean said with a smile, his eyes bright and shining, his hair messy and his clothes rumpled, clearly just thrown on so that he was decent enough to walk to the door.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Who was that?" Cas asked tensely. Dean had a habit of picking people up from school and Cas feared the day it was someone he had to work with in a project that was picked. That would just be too awkward for Cas. Dean obviously wouldn't care, so he made sure to ask, just in case.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"I don't know, I didn't catch their name," Dean said with a shrug, walking to the kitchen, "are we coming tonight?"</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Cas ignored the question, following Dean to the kitchen so he could icily ask, "Were they non-binary or did you miss their pronouns as well?"</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"They were non-binary," Dean said with a sigh, "what has gotten into you? Normally you don't ask this many questions!"</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Cas just shrugged, unable to explain exactly why he cared about who Dean brought home. Sure, it was mainly in fear Dean would mess around with one of Cas' lab partners or something, but it was also just because… Cas wanted to know what they had which he didn't. He hated admitting it, but he also hated the fact that clearly they had something.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Dean looked at him questioningly, clearly about to ask something which Cas would not like to answer. "No, I'm not cooking," Cas said, spinning on his toes and walking back to his room. Trying to ignore the pain in his heart every time he looked at Dean's hair, messed up by some stranger's hands, or his eyes, made to shine by some stranger's actions. It was torture, and Cas hated that he couldn't leave. Leaving would stop this torture, but being away from Dean would be torture of its own.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Much worse torture at that.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Cas! Where are you going buddy?" Dean yelled from behind him, but Cas ignored him. Dean would get his answer soon enough, when he saw Cas arrive at his destination. Why would Cas say when he didn't need to. And okay, he knew he was being difficult for no reason, but he had close enough to a reason to not feel bad about it.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>His door slammed closed behind him, making Cas wince and quickly check for damage. There was nothing wrong on the inside and he wasn't planning to leave his room for at least the next hour, so that was good enough. There were footsteps on the other side, probably Dean coming to see whether he was okay, so Cas just jumped onto his bed and grabbed his book.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>His suspicions of Dean coming to see if he was okay, were confirmed when he heard a knock on his door, so definitely Dean that it almost hurt to hear. "What's wrong?"</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Cas sighed, "nothing Dean," he yelled back, not giving any more information and just ignoring the rest of Dean's questions.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He wasn't in the mood to talk to his friend. Not now.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It was a couple of weeks until Dean next brought someone home. Cas was fairly sure that was because Dean was worried something was wrong with him, so had avoided bringing people home for that reason. Maybe he thought Cas was sick? Maybe he thought Cas was lonely? Cas honestly didn't know. What he did know, was that he liked the quiet, the movie nights, the time spent with just Dean, with no worries about random hookups showing up.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Of course it couldn't last.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It never did.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Just as Cas should have been expecting the entire time, one day he arrived back home after a lecture, to find Dean and Benny - another of one of Dean's exceptions - kissing on the sofa. Honesty, Cas wasn't even sure why he was surprised, but he was. He was also hurt, which just put him in an awful mood. What right did he have to be hurt by Dean doing what he always did. This wasn't Dean's fault, it was Cas who had accidentally fallen in love with Dean.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He closed the door and planned to just sneak to his room, but the creak gave him away and Dean and Benny apparently decided to stop making out for long enough to say hello to him.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Hey Cas," Dean said with a grin, his arm still around Benny who greeted Cas with a "hello Cher."</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Cas rolled his eyes, "don't call me 'cher' while you're making out with my roommate in the living room," he snapped, not saying anything else as he stormed to his room and slammed the door behind him.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He heard Dean call his name, but he ignored him. He had better things to do that pay attention to Dean, things like ignoring the rest of the apartment, and ignoring the sense of betrayal in his heart.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It felt like a mere minute later when he heard the door open and close as Benny left, but Cas could only assume he'd just zoned out. Not even the worst of Dean's partners ever left that quickly.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>A knock on his door reminded him where he was, dragging him back to the present. He planned to just ignore it, but Dean was insistent and kept on bashing Cas' door until he gave in and yanked it open.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Yes?" he snapped moodily, glaring at the carpet between them and very carefully avoiding looking at Dean's face. He really didn't want to know how Dean was feeling about all this, and the guy was basically an open book. If he looked at Dean's eyes, he would know exactly how disapproving Dean was feeling.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Cas, what's going on?" Dean asked. He sounded more upset than disapproving, prompting Cas to look up and check his eyes.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He'd been right. Dean's eyes were filled with a lot of things, but somehow disapproving wasn't one of them. Upset was, worried was, disapproving wasn't.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Cas laughed humorlessly, "you don't want to know," he said with a wave of his hand, "trust me."</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"I do," Dean breathed, "but please Cas, I'm worried." His voice was thin, worried, and it made something in Cas' heart shatter. He felt an immediate need to set things right, to make sure he never heard Dean's sound like that again.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Alright," he sighed, "you'll want to sit down. Come on." He waved Dean into his room, Cas sitting on his bed and waving Dean to his desk chair.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Dean looked even more worried by the second, but he didn't say anything. Obviously sensing that Cas needed a second to translate his thoughts into words. Cas thought over many different ways he should do this, but in the end realised that being blunt was probably his best bet.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"I'm jealous. Of all those people," he said, his voice holding no hint of the emotions he was feeling.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"What why?" Dean asked, sounding genuinely confused. "They are just- wait. Are you saying you want to sleep with me?"</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"I guess," Cas sighed, "Dean. I like you. As in, I really like you. They all get some part of you, even if just for a night. A part of you I will never get. If you want me to move out now, I'll understand."</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"What? Cas no!" Dean burst out, "just give me a second here." He paused for a moment, taking deep breaths and clearly getting his thoughts into order. "You like me?" he asked. Cas nodded in agreement, but didn't say anything more so that Dean could continue. "You've been rude to all those people because you were jealous?" Cas nodded again. "Because they have something you can never have?" Another nod.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Dean's eyes visibly brightened as he sat straighter in his seat. "Cas you idiot," he laughed. Cas opened his mouth to argue, but before he could get his words out Dean had leant forwards and smashed their mouths together.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Cas let out a squeak of shock, but as soon as his brain caught up he started kissing back happily, barely able to comprehend that this was happening.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>They eventually had to pull away to breathe, but they didn't move too far away, just leaned their foreheads together and breathed in sync, their breaths ragged.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Dean?" Cas asked quietly, not quite believing that this was really happening. He half expected to wake up and for the whole thing to have just been a dream.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Yeah Cas," Dean replied, his voice shaking with a quiet chuckle as his bright eyes met Cas'.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Cas smiled, reaching forward to take Dean's hand, relaxing slightly when Dean laced their fingers together. "What was that for?"</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Dean chuckled louder, "I like you too you dumbass, I like you too."</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Cas' smile grew at the admission, leaning in to kiss Dean again and sliding his hands under Dean's top to enjoy the feeling of his skin. "Does this mean you'll stop bringing random people home?" he asked, hoping that Dean would pick up the silent question under his words.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Yeah Cas," Dean breathed with a smile, "I'll be your boyfriend."</span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Hello again!!! I hope you enjoyed that!!!<br/>Comments and kudos give me life!!!<br/>Hope you have an amazing day/night!!</p></blockquote></div></div>
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